A Sorry, A Thank-you & A Goodbye.

No, you're right. I can not just come here anytime I want to and say I'm back and then disappear for months. Sounds familiar?

I'm sorry. I've been disloyal to this blog, all of you and myself. I come when I want, stalk you all, sometimes without commenting, (often, actually) and always irregularly.

But instead of carping about stupid, meaningless stuff (cue refer last post...or don't), or lame ill-humored jokes, this time, because I feel such massively the need to let some things outta my system, to make space for all the new challenges life flings at me (here, in case you are a new reader, let me introduce you to my my hazardous tendencies of high levels of exaggeration) I shall endeavor to share some non-jokey matters this post.

For starters. And most essentially. A major thank you to all of you. You 190 subscribers who have got reserved in my tiny heart 190 small boxes filled with happiness and glee. Who made me think what I write is read, what I express is felt and what is said, makes someone in some part of the world, smile. For what are we, but mere passers-by on the road to our lives and what can be a better journey than one that froths over with the laughter of friends, people who push you up, stand tall and make their shoulders ladders for you.

Thank you, to all of you, who have anonymously read my blog all this time and sent me all those e-mails that absolutely, and in the true sense of the phrase, make my days. Ya'll have been invisible little angels.

Thank you, because in the span of 6/7 shorts months, I've gained an army of such beautiful, adorable, irreplaceable friends, I could never have thought of meeting. Friends who have become constant sources of inspiration, and figures of respect. Thank you, because when I started this blog, I'd never imagined this much love (or that much 'Marry me' mails, for that matter) or considered this blog to be a platform of laughter, randomity and fun. Never, did I think to win the 22nd Top Kid Blogger Award. Thank you, because all your blogs give me hope, make me see new vistas, and those amazing comments make me go on the seventh sky. Thank you, because you all are such, such, wonderful people.

Secondly, I apologize for not commenting and giving you all feed-back on every post. I'm honestly sorry. But it's no easy task doing that on all the huge number of mateys I follow, in sync with everything else in this little drunkard's life. I hope no one hated me for that.

Thirdly, and the reason why I wrote this mushy long post. I'mma be deleting/officially-abandoning this page within a week or so. I'm tired of this. And in a mystery of whether I deserve all this amazing-ness and support that came my way through this page or not. Maybe (chances are that the fun shall magnetise me back) I will come back, maybe I won't. But definitely on a new link, a secret name. And then post gothic moronic stuff on it just so nobody recognizes and I can land my feet back on the ground. My brain feels like ^$#^%$&&^&*#@%^ so maybe not.

I need some good stuff down there in the comments. And for those who didn't read it but are in the habit of writing 'Nice Post LOL' at posts, lemme make it easier for you. I thanked everyone. Just do your best welcomes.

If I Hadn't Said It So Many Times Already, I'd Say I'm Back...

Okay, this is not funny anymore. I keep going away then coming back then going away again. I really need to learn to be more sincere towards this blog and you lovely peepulz. But the thing is, I've really been keeping enveloped in a much more alluring matter. A love life and a future with, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Mr. Codename Z! Z as in Zee. *grin*

See what I mean?

The only glitch in this whole thing being the fact that this guy hasn't noticed my existence in the universe...yet.

The Irony Of Life That It Ends With Death.

Children, in bad times and anxiety - if you have ever noticed - sleep. That night was the last night I properly slept in my life, there on the gigantic lounge sofa.

Those days she was ill, we, the kids were sent to stay at our uncle's place. I cried and prayed, and cried all nights long, when no one could give me those hollow reassurances. Then, exhausted I'd sleep at daytime, because I - I knew.

"Be a strong woman, always," I remembered she said.

After she was back from the hospital - she was absolutely fine. Or atleast, as fine as she was before she went. She took me in her arms, there on her bed, on that sea-green-and-white-bedspread I still have after all those years. She embraced me, and kissed me on my forehead, holding my face between her thin, weak hands. And it was all I could do to stop myself from crying. Of happiness, because she was back, wasn't she? Yet I knew.

That evening, it was just like the old days. We just held each other and moved forward, backwards as if on a swing. And we talked and talked and talked and she told me "Be a strong woman, always". Backwards, forward, backwards. Somehow, I knew.

I was in my Mum's bed when I woke up. And within a second I knew. Within a second, I was out of my bed and in her empty room. I knew. A whisper escaped, and I felt my breath stop. I rushed out into the terrace. And there was Daddy, standing there, and my cousins, and the men. He just shook his head. I knew.

"Where?"


"Downstairs."


Barefoot, bare-love, bare-sanity, I skipped steps down the stairs. She always chided me so when I did.

"You'll fall someday, Arfa."


And I'd just giggle as I'd show off and hop down even faster. But that morning, as I skipped those steps, I felt like someone had ripped the heart out of me.

The women, they all, they were sitting there. There in the silence. And there where she lay, her body lay, soul-less, her eyes closed.

The eyes that shall never crinkle at that smile, the lips that shall never kiss me on my forehead, the heart that shall never understand me again, the hands that'll never hold me and rock me backwards, forward, backwards, forward.

I stood there, un-moving, firm, like a strong woman should as she had told me to be, the day before. Yet my eyes closed, a tear slipped, a scream escaped.

Today, she? She's in a better haven, I believe. And I? I'm a strong woman, always.

So She Let Go. ♥

So go forth

To where

Your heart urges you, presently;

For age,

More than my self ever could,

Will take care of you;

For fate,

As it wills,

Will draw you back;

And for love,

That leaves,

And realizingly returns,

Is a millionfold stronger,

Than love destiny never challenged.

Yes, You Have Every Right To Hate Me.

It's not that I've been too overwhelmed by the hype in my love school-life or anything, it's just that I have no idea how to pick who to interview.

HOW WILL I LIVE IN PEACE IF I PICK SOMEONE AND NOT SOMEONE ELSE WHEN YOU ALL SENT ME SUCH SWEET MAILS! HOW?!

*ahem*

Life is so twisty. You love someone when they don't love you. Then when they do, you don't.

I get a strange feeling that line's a lyric.

And no, I did not mean this post to be about love. But as it has, this is what I do with people I love.

Puzzled,

Ezazi.

PS. Notice the new header. Though it's so humongous you have to be blind not to notice it.